


He's gone man, who cares?

by Sadsymphonys



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Angsty Dirk Strider, Bisexual Dave Strider, Dirk also has sensitive hearing, Earth C (Homestuck), Gay Dirk Strider, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, If you don't love Roxy Lalonde get out, Ill beats, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, POV Dirk Strider, Roxy is a Little Shit, Sad, She only has a couple lines though, Strider Feels, but more importantly, but we all love her
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-20
Updated: 2018-01-20
Packaged: 2019-03-07 00:25:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,023
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13422804
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sadsymphonys/pseuds/Sadsymphonys
Summary: Having walked through the door only a couple weeks ago, the kids are all sharing a home for the time being, taking the time  to figure out where everything's gonna land. Plus, it's nice just to be close for a little bit, getting used to the atmosphere, catching up with the others, catching up on dreambubble-less sleep. It's the least everyone deserves after everything. But that doesn't change the fact that some minds never rest.The Striders discuss a theory the elder bro has regarding his alternate self, hopefully making things easier for them both.





	He's gone man, who cares?

"Hey Dave."  
"Oh, hey dude. C'mere a sec, I need your Strider expertise on this sick new track I'm working on."  
Hangouts it is. Dirk can work with that. Actually, it probably makes talking about what's on his mind easier than just hitting him with it at random. Like an asshole.

Sitting down in the chair next to his brother, he accepts the headphones Dave hands him and puts them on, making sure to slide the band backwards over his hair so it doesn't mess up the do too much. It's not about vanity. It just takes fucking ages to style, and having anything about himself look out of shape makes him feel on edge.

Dirk nods curtly to Dave, urging him to hit play, and as soon as he does, Dirk's hands fling up to the headphones in shock at the volume. Luckily, Dave recognizes the source of his brother's discomfort and lowers the volume by about half, uttering a curse and an apology, almost flustered. They might have had virtually the same apartment, but where Dave had the sounds from an entire city to drown out (and alledgedly, puppet porn filming sessions), Dirk had nothing but seagulls and ocean waves. Even with Jake's gunfire at his side during the game, his ears stayed pretty damn sensitive. 

Now being able to listen comfortably, Dirk nods his head slightly to the beat, different elements and instruments being added in gradually. It was pretty chill for Dave's standards, though maybe he's just craving that. Aren't they all.  
Under all the layers of beats and melody, there's this low humming, almost trilling sound he can't quite identify. It actually adds a lot to the aforementioned chill factor of the track, persistent but harmonious, like soft static or a cat purring. 

Dirk lifts an eyebrow above his shades, facing his brother, who mirrors him in silent question, urging him to speak.  
"That uh, that sound alongside the beat there, what is that? It sounds really fucking chill."  
To his surprise, Dave actually seems flustered again at this question, his head twitching up slightly.

Dirk's second eyebrow joins the first as he lifts his hand to the headphones again, lifting them off his head just as carefully as he'd put them on, and hangs them around his neck. He can still hear the track playing from where they're at, but he didn't expect Dave's reaction and it has Dirk curious, if a little worried. Dave's pokerface might not be as solid as his brother's emotionless deadpan (not having anyone to learn facial expressions from OR for does that to a guy), but still. He tamps down the thought of how this may be the reason the other is still slightly nervous around him, and waits for Dave to formulate his reply.

"Okay, so, this is gonna sound pretty fucking weird and probably really creepy, but like, so I wanted to make something for Karkat cause he's always complaining about my usual upbeat shit ruining his bodice ripper time, so I wanted it to be hella relaxing like mellow people the fuck out like it's 420, I mean the trolls are still working on sopor but he doesn't like that shit anyway, I don't even know what the fuck that eggplant murderclown was doing with that shit, but like I was trying to think of something that would be relaxing for him and then I realised shit, what if I somehow make it sound like an already relaxed troll, so like, I fucking recorded him while he was purring in his sleep, it's fucking ridiculous, just throw me in the slammer-"

During his entire rant, the prince watches Dave steadily lose his composure, putting the headphones away when the other subconsciously goes from talking to muttering almost to himself, eventually covering his eyes *over* the shades like some sort of heathen, but that doesn't matter right now, as much as it breaks Dirk's heart.

"You mean it's a troll.. purring? They do that?"  
"They do that."  
"Well fuck. Shady stalker bullshit aside, you got the right idea. Shit's relaxing as hell."  
Dave hunches even further in on himself with a groan, and Dirk lets out a huff of amusement, softly shoving the top of his brother's head with the palm of his hand.  
"I'm fucking with you bro. It's sweet."  
Dave sits upright again, fixing his composure at an almost worrying speed, reply quick on its feet.

"Yeah it is. I'm sweet as hell. Aunt Jemima called and begged me not to put her out of business with my saccharine beats but I stone cold refused not to unleash them upon the world. The prophets of the new world will be raving to the sounds of my love for my troll boyfriend's adorable as fuck sleep noises." His nose scrunches up slightly. "Oh fuck, how gay is that."  
"That's pretty fucking gay, but hey, you know I respect that." Dirk's gaze shifts to nowhere in particular behind his shades, contemplative. "Hell, literally everyone here does honestly."

He kind of just says that for himself, but Dave seems a bit stuck on the last words out of his mouth. As much as he hates to watch the knight's discomfort, this is actually the exact opening Dirk was waiting for. Always so flawlessly fucking strategic isn't he. Asshole. Okay, no, just try to make the best of it. 

"Hey, Dave?"  
He snaps out of the little knot he'd tied himself into at Dirk's call of his name, facing him.  
"Yeah, no you're right, it's fine. I,".  
Dirk is terrible at this, but he really wants to do the right thing. Prove himself.

"I have this theory I wanted to ask you about, see if it makes any sense for you. About.. your Bro. If that's okay? You don't have to."  
He clamps his lips shut after that, stopping himself from elaborating and reassuring his brother endlessly. That shit doesn't help. Dave nearly flinches at the mention of his Bro, of you- no. But the expression is very brief, and instead turns into curiosity, seeming to almost melt away the previous tension at the prospect of a topic change, even if it's probably unpleasant? Despite Roxy's insistence, Di-Stri is no psychoanalist like Rose is. Or Hal. God, is he not gonna miss being that asshole's labrat. His own labrat. No. ARquius is fine. Fucking get on with explaining the theory. 

"Do you think maybe, he just had no idea? That I- that he was gay?"  
Dave's eyebrows fly up at that, but then almost crush together in a frown.

"How would that even happen? I mean, my thing fucked me up cause I already knew I liked girls, and bisexuality was fucking fake right, but wouldn't it be glaringly obvious if you don't like girls at all?"  
"Not necessarily. Hell, you know how unstoppable a force heteronormativity is, how would you even know your 'attraction' isn't actual attraction?" 

Dave's frown smoothes out a little bit, but still remains, and he's opening his mouth again but Dirk lifts a hand, stopping him.  
"Just hear me out for a second here. From what I've read about Texas, most of the southern States really, with how strong the homophobia was, especially 10-20 years before you as he was growing up, presumably in the foster system with all these unforgiving families, anyone would lack a basic understanding of sexuality, if not develop an outright fear of anything that isn't the norm. Knowing the way I-", He pauses for a bit, swallowing the fear that always comes with outright acknowledging his.. toxicity, and continues.

"Knowing the way I tend to internalize things, let them fester, I think there's a good chance that version of me just grew extremely bitter because of his circumstances." There. He kept it short and simple. Dirk lowers his hand again.  
It takes Dave a few seconds to absorb this, but then he speaks.

"First of all dude, you've got to stop saying you're him and he's you, I mean genetically you're the exact same person but fuck, we've been over this man." Dave rubs his forehead agitatedly, setting off an unpleasant curl of embarassment and discomfort in Dirk's chest.  
He opens his mouth, meaning to apologize, but Dave shushes him and holds up a hand, silencing his brother the same way he had been just a minute before. 

"No, absolutely not you horses ass, I was just reminding you, that's not even remotely my full answer." Letting out a long huff of air, Dave gathers himself and continues.

"Honestly it.. I can see that being a thing. I think." He meets your eyes, or as close as two people wearing tinted eyewear can get to locking eyes. "The only thing that still fucking weirds me out is the smuppets. Like, the noses.. how hard would you even have to lie to yourself?" He laughs awkwardly at that, looking sideways at the floor again, slightly hunched. 

"Gotta channel that shit somehow bro. Subconscious or not." Subconscious or completely aware, having nothing better to do than fuck around with the shit Famous Movie Director Dave left for you. He still has no idea why he would leave him giant boxes of plush toy materials, but Dirk will always be thankful. Those little fuckers were fun to sew. 

Dave is still laughing a little, some of the tension going out of it as the corners of your mouth turn up at him. 

"Really though," Dave starts up again, "Why do you even still think about that shit? He's gone man, who cares." 

Dave cares. The words are out of Dirk's mouth before he can seem to stop them this time..  
"I told you, I'll always feel responsible for every version of me, including the one who sliced you the fuck open for no justifiable reason! I need to know why, I need to understand, I'm already a piece of shit as it is, I'm already dangerous. I have to make sure I don't go down the same damn path."  
.. And he regrets them as soon as they stop. Fuck. 

Silence.

"Dirk," Dave finally says.

The former stays silent, lips pressed tightly together.

"Dirk," Dave repeats, more insistently this time.

Still nothing.

Resigned to not getting an actual reaction out of the marble statue that is his ectobiological brother, he just continues.  
"That's about the dumbest thing I ever heard get said."

Before the prince can react, someone lets out a loud snort behind him, from the doorway. He whips around, and Dave's eyes land on their sudden spectator too. 

"Oh fuck, whoops! Sorry guys, oh my god, didn't mean to ruin your brotherly bonding session there. Do continue!"

Fucking Roxy.

"Nope, sorry m- Rox, the moment's as broken as the stack of dinner plates you dropped last week." Another clearly unapolagetic snort from Roxy. "I was done talking anyway. Not much more to say."  
"Yeah boy, you tell him! Dirky can be so fucking dense sometimes, all thinking he's the worst human on the planet!" She walks over to them, promptly rustling Dirk's carefully and painstakingly maintained hair the way only Roxy can do. He's still too on edge to tell her off.

"C'mon Di-Stri, you know that was only ever true *before* Sburb."  
This gets him to let out another huff of a laugh, forcing him out of the tension he created for himself. Dave lets out a short laugh of his own, smirking up at her.  
"Yeah gurl, you tell him." She beams back at him, hand still in Dirk's hair, and then looks over to Dave's laptop.

"So what were y'all doing before this idiot went all existential on you?"  
"Dave's making a mix and incorporating the sounds his boyfriend makes while he sleeps."  
The reaction from both parties is instantaneous, Dave getting extremely flustered and lashing out at his brother, and Roxy soundly losing her shit at both the information and the sight.  
Later, when the quirkier Lalonde finally leaves to go bother someone else, Dirk may or may not find his bro under his arm again. So fucked up.

**Author's Note:**

> I like to think Dave worked through enough memories of Bro back on the meteor to be able to handle mentions of his abuse. Also, strider hugs man. Sometimes i think that's all i need from life.


End file.
